Going To The Dogs

When we first got Austin, he joined our family with another dog, Frito. Both were puppies (Frito at about one year, Austin at about eight weeks) and full of fun and live.

Eventually, both grew old and passed away. Austin last August and Frito in February of this year. I do miss them.

Yet, on some days, I remember some of our times together and this is one such case.

By the time Frito and Austin were full sized we had never taken them any where past the back yard. Then a pet fair was held at a local park. They offered $5 shots, free exams and fun for the entire family. So, we loaded them up and headed across town for what promised to be a day of fun.

Now Austin, a Rottweiler/Sharpei mix at approximately 100 lbs and Frito, a Lab/Cocker mix at approximately 70 lbs climbed into the car for their second automobile ride. Of Course, this left little room for anyone else, so I took my wife and a friend of ours took our children.

I start the car and Frito immediately starts to whine. I look at him and decide it might be better to get him out and let him go potty before we leave. Yet, when I open the door, he looks at me with this sad look as if to say, "I have to get out? What did I do?"

His hesitation leads me to believe that he did not need to go. So, I closed the door and got back in. Frito starts to cry again. This time, I get out, grab the leash and pull. Frito pulls back and hides behind Austin. As I pull again, Austin jumps out and starts trotting around the car, leash in tow.

I quickly run after Austin - who knew he could run that fast? I chase him around the back of the car, around to the front and past the grill. Just as I am turning past the drivers side front., I see Frito's leash turning the corner of the back of the car. Yeah, that is me. The guy who was dumb enough to expect the dog to do what he was originally doing and refuse to get out.

I look at my wife as I am trying to step on Austin's leash and get the classic "What are you doing" stare. I could see her give the "harrumph" exasperated look and she opened the door just in time for Frito to jump into her lap and start licking her make up off. Austin was fast behind him. I caught up to him in time to see muscle his way into her lap.

I closed the door and ran to the other side just in time to see Frito jump out again. This time, in my gruffest voice, I growled, "Frito! Get in the car!" I was actually amazed, because it worked.

Getting in, I put the car in reverse and turned to look back. Of course, to Austin this meant he needed to put his face into mine and start licking. I turned back around, used my mirrors and backed out of the drive way.

I drive a little ways when I realize I have a head next to mine with his tongue hanging out. It is like your own personal "heavy Breather" phone call. Then, you start to feel it.

For those of you who own large dogs, you know what it is like to have a dog hanging over your shoulder drolling down your neck. You find yourself driving down the road with your head twisted in a fashion that only fans of "The Exorcist" would enjoy. Of course, the only time your dogs stop drolling is long enough to run from one side of the car to the other. This is so the dogs can see which side of the car the wind taste better on and/or to check which side of the car needs more droll down its side.

Still, the interesting thing is weight distribution as you go around corners. Why is they run to the inside of each corner as you go around it. Sure, it is a subtle feeling, but you can still feel the 170 lb shift as you see them pass by in your rear view mirror. Then, on the straight away I seem to grow an extra head. This time it is Frito.

That may not mean much to you, kind reader. Yet, for me it means about 10 gallons of droll less then if it is Austin. However, it also means the random tongue in the ear deal. Have I ever mentioned I have very clean ears?

We finally reach the park. My wife as pretty as ever and me looking as if I took a shower with my clothes on. This only happens due to the fact that my short wife (5ft 2in) does not have her seat pushed back. Still, I am extremely pleased that neither Frito or Austin had one of their farting sessions. Then again, perhaps that would have kept my head stuck out the side of the window and thus, kept me dryer.

Once we get there, my being the brave soul that I am, I take both leashes as the dogs jump out of the car. We head across the park and immediate start hitting the large crowds. My dogs love people. They obviously believe people were put on this earth for the pleasure of them. So, Austin shows his love to the first woman he meets. He walks up behind her, places his head under her skirt and flips it up. Now ladies,imagine if you will a cold wet nose on your inner thigh as you feel your skirt or dress flipped up. This all happened in a matter of seconds and I did not teach him to do this.

Of course, the woman must have thought differently. She slapped me. And of course, my wife asks if I know her.

This was followed by some stammering as my mind and dignity were reeling. Still, as I explained what happened Frito had to take his turn by peeing on the leg of the closest University of Oklahoma Football Player (did I mention we live just down the street from the University?).

Now anyone who watches this renowned team, knows those guys are not small and this one was the size of large walk in freezer.

"Hey! Your dog pissed on my leg." He stated with an angry look on his face.

"Oh, I am so sorry." I said in earnest, hoping he would not crumple me like a beer can.

"That's OK." He said and started to smile. "I have a dog myself. He just likes me and wants to mark me as his territory."

I smiled and quietly counted my blessing and hoped my blushing embarrassment would just fade away.

Then Austin took a second turn. Suddenly, his front went to the ground and his butt was high up as his tail took off like a whirling dervish. Need less to say, Austin quickly showed me his favorite toy was cats. I felt the sudden surge as my 180 lb frame went sideways. Austin did not mind, he knew I was just along for the ride.

Have I ever told you how interesting the world looks from the ground up as you slide through a forest of legs? It can be quite exhilarating. At least till you reach the gravel. You get to see the grass from a bugs point of view as you scream "NOOOO! BAD DOG!" at the top of your lungs.

Austin drug me some distance before the cat got away.

Yeah, we did a lot of training after that.