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Visit USAF Vet-923294's column >>

USAF VET-923294

Articles Posted: 111  Links Seeded: 133
Member Since: 3/2009  Last Seen: 5/15/2012

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What Guys Do?

Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:26 PM EDT
entertainment, fiction, short-story, just-for-fun, usaf-vet, misleading
By USAF Vet-923294
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Being as bored as could be, I did what a lot of guys do. I slowly slid my hand into.......

*RINGGGG* Phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi Mom."

"Yes...I am fine. You?"

"That's good.

"Okay....Be safe on your drive to church. Bye."

Where was I? Oh.....I slide my hand in slowly. It feels so good.

*RINGGGG* Damn phone.

"Hello?"

"Yes dear."

"Yes dear."

"Love you too. Bye."

Uhhh....Oh yeah...I slide my hand in slowly. Gee this feels good. I think I should oil it up. I squeeze it gently.

*RINGGG, RINGGG* I wonder if the phone would bounce well?

"What?"

"Did you ask your Mom?"

"Well, what did she say?"

"Ask Dad? What if I told you to ask Mom?"

"Oh....I did? Okay.....go ahead and go, but don't be out too late."

"Love you too. Bye."

Crap.....what was I do.....Oh yeah. I slide my hand in again. It is so soft and comfortable. Love this feeling. I think about oil again.....Nawww.....I will do the oil thing later.

*RINGGGG* Screw this.

I slide my hand out of my ball glove, grab the ball and head for the door.

*RINGGG*

"Come on Bohdi. I will toss the ball and you can fetch."

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  • USAF Vet-923294's Column, All of Newsvine
  • Groups: Cereal, er Serial Writers, Fiction Writers, Invisible Viners, Short Stories
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  • Public Discussion (63)
USAF Vet-923294

What else did you think guys would do in the spring, but play ball?

  • 8 votes
#1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:30 PM EDT
MoCowgirl-1193719

I don't think I will answer that question... LOL!

  • 9 votes
#1.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:39 PM EDT
frostyone

Roflmao!!!

  • 8 votes
#1.2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:49 PM EDT
Soph0571

must admit i was thinking where the hell is he going with this? ROFLOL!

  • 7 votes
#1.3 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:54 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

I don't think I will answer that question... LOL!

Hmmm.....I wonder where your mind was at? LOL

  • 7 votes
#1.4 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:58 PM EDT
MoCowgirl-1193719

Hmmm.....I wonder where your mind was at?

Wondering if you had lost yours...or was posting to the wrong forum....LOL!

  • 7 votes
#1.5 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:01 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

LOL! ;0 )

  • 7 votes
#1.6 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:02 PM EDT
Sara G.

Too funny, Too good....almost like you knew what believer would be thinking!

Good going!

*laughs*
~Sara

  • 6 votes
#1.7 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:11 PM EDT
believer-369603

Hey........how do I get blamed for Ben's dented mind?

I'm innocent, I tell ya. Hand me the bat.........

  • 5 votes
#1.8 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:14 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you, thank you.....Hmmm.....I guess I could blame it on Believer...LOL

  • 5 votes
#1.9 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:47 PM EDT
believer-369603

I guess I could blame it on Believer.

You guys could at least wait until I leave the room. Geezzzzz.

  • 6 votes
#1.10 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:51 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

AGAIN...What fun would that be? LOL

  • 6 votes
#1.11 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:09 PM EDT
GA GUY

GO VET!!

TOO FUNNY!!

Hilarious!!

];-}

  • 5 votes
#1.12 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:19 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

  • 5 votes
#1.13 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:39 AM EDT
Hekofawoman

USAF Vet - Really cute, ......laughing. Your too much of a gentleman to have told a "dirty" one...and really "fetching" for us dirty minded folk.....hehehehe. I do love how you "threw" that out there. Loved it:) Hek

  • 3 votes
#1.14 - Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:24 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you.......I figured I would just let folks paint the picture themselves. LOL

  • 2 votes
#1.15 - Mon Mar 22, 2010 4:07 PM EDT
Reply
maddad

brilliant!

  • 8 votes
Reply#2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:33 PM EDT
neenie1991

I'll second that.

  • 7 votes
#2.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:35 PM EDT
ERich-356044

Jumping on the brilliant band wagon there!

HEHEHE!!!

  • 7 votes
#2.2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:40 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you all. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off, but apparently it worked. ;0 )

  • 7 votes
#2.3 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:59 PM EDT
Reply
jeremy-17

Too funny.

  • 6 votes
Reply#3 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:38 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

  • 6 votes
#3.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:00 PM EDT
Reply
K-joy

Batter's up! lol, well played.

  • 9 votes
Reply#4 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:43 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you. ;0 )

  • 6 votes
#4.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:01 PM EDT
CL1

What do guys do??? I knew it had to have something to do with a bat and a ball!!! heheheh

Ben, so cute.... and funny!

  • 5 votes
#4.2 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:35 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

LOL! Glad you liked it.

  • 6 votes
#4.3 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:39 AM EDT
Reply
libra7288

You gotta love spring fever!

Cheers!

  • 7 votes
Reply#5 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:50 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Yes you do. I miss playing softball at this time of year.

  • 7 votes
#5.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:02 PM EDT
libra7288

Pretty soon, USAF Vet, pretty soon.

I know my husband is going stir crazy waiting for softball season to begin!

Have fun and don't forget to stretch good before each game.

Cheers!

  • 6 votes
#5.2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:23 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Well, my bad knees won't allow me to play any more. So, I miss it.

  • 7 votes
#5.3 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:49 PM EDT
Reply
PhxAZMom

I NEVER play without using protection. I make sure to cover every inch of skin

with

Sunscreen that is....

I've been to 4 spring training games so far.

82 degrees and loving it here in Scottsdale, Az

Batter Batter Schwingggggggg!!

  • 6 votes
Reply#6 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:07 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

You always have to use protection. ;0 p

  • 9 votes
#6.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:50 PM EDT
Soovivers

You always have to use protection

That's what the gloves for isn't it?

  • 7 votes
#6.2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:54 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Well....you can't play with hard balls with out one. ;0 p

  • 6 votes
#6.3 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:57 PM EDT
believer-369603

Don't forget the face mask.

What? Some folks have "different" ideas of fun, ya know?

  • 6 votes
#6.4 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:02 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

At least it keeps the balls out of their face! ;0 p

  • 7 votes
#6.5 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:04 PM EDT
Reply
believer-369603

This is almost as funny as your "panties or thongs" thing....well, okay, maybe funnier.

You have a serious warp, paisan.

  • 7 votes
Reply#7 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:25 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

That's what makes me so fun......

LOL ;0 p

  • 7 votes
#7.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:51 PM EDT
Hekofawoman

I'll say....hehehek

  • 2 votes
#7.2 - Tue Mar 23, 2010 12:21 AM EDT
Reply
PhxAZMom

ok true story here.

One of my twin sons, who was only 12 at the time, was volunteered by my mother to be her "ride along" partner for her car ride to Las Vegas. My mom is a little "out there". Where's hawaii t shirts that say things like "hang ten" etc.... you know from the 80's. She also thinks talking louder makes people pay attention more..... She means well most of the time but OMG..... lol

They finally make it to Las Vegas, where they met up with 2 of my sisters. My sister is trying to hurry our mother along so they can go eat. "Don't worry about getting changed and all that, just throw on some flip flops and lets go". Of course that would be too easy. My mom starts looking through her bag for her flip flops which she still refers to as her "thongs". My son walks into the hotel room after going down the hallway to fill up the ice bucket and my mom says to him, "Brandon, give grandma a hand and go wash my thongs in the sink, they're sticky from something in my bag".

LMAO! My sisters burst out laughing as my mom continued to dig through her bag without missing a beat, or looking up. Muttering to herself. "those our my favorite thongs, I hope they're not ruined." My son starts turns a light greenish hue picturing himself trying wash grandma's thongs in the sink... and in a whiny teenage voice... "why do I have to do it?

OMG... we still use it against him 7 years later! "Do I need to ask grandma if she wants her thongs washed?"

My mom shakes her head every time we bring it up.. "what's so funny about that? lol

priceless family moments... lmao

  • 7 votes
Reply#8 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:43 PM EDT
Soph0571

LOL - that is just too funny - i don't know what your kid looks like but i can picture it in my head - priceless!

  • 7 votes
#8.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:49 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

ROFL.....The look on his face would have been priceless!!

  • 7 votes
#8.2 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 6:59 PM EDT
Reply
mstanley2265

whata crazy fun group.. !!!!

  • 4 votes
Reply#9 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:14 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Were mad I tell ya....RAVING MAD....bwahahahahaha

  • 6 votes
#9.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:48 PM EDT
Reply
mstanley2265

Kiddies getting on your last nerve or just the vestiges of the winter blues?

  • 4 votes
Reply#10 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:33 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Well, my youngest is 19. So, more like winter and cabin fever.

  • 6 votes
#10.1 - Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:38 PM EDT
Reply
US Citizen-658112

I will respectfully withhold any response until you....describe in detail....the glove you are referring to.

Humans have a strange way of naming all kinds of things.....

And the....ball.......er......never mind.......

I'm desperately trying not to jump to premature conclusions until I have the facts straight on this end....

  • 5 votes
Reply#11 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 1:54 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

It is a first baseman's mit.

  • 5 votes
#11.1 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:04 AM EDT
GA GUY

Hey Vet!

I used to play first base too; it was my freshman year, and I had grown like 5 inches over the last summer;...before that I was on third in the hot box,...and I can't remember who was on second, but I can say for sure what wasn't short...

  • 5 votes
#11.2 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:14 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Actually, I was a catcher. The glove is my oldest Son's. He played first. Besides, for a game of catch, a catchers mit just doesn't work all that well. ;0 )

  • 5 votes
#11.3 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:26 AM EDT
Briwnys

No, no. Who's on first. What's on second. I don't give a darn is short...

  • 4 votes
#11.4 - Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:30 AM EDT
Reply
fsgadfgDeleted
sdfjashjfhasdDeleted
Pint3369

this was great -- loved it --

  • 3 votes
Reply#14 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:16 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thank you. ;0 )

  • 4 votes
#14.1 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:12 PM EDT
tyler

12, 13 deleted, spam from sdfjashjfhasd. Banned.

Above all else, respect others. Address issues and arguments and refrain from making personal attacks.

  • 5 votes
#14.2 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:47 PM EDT
Reply
GONE FISHIN

Why does he need a glove ? The dog can't throw the ball back to him.......

  • 2 votes
Reply#15 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:14 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

I was just checking the glove and thinking of playing some ball. At the end I took the glove off and went and played with the dog.

  • 5 votes
#15.1 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:23 PM EDT
Reply
kj031056-1

What Guys Do?
Hey, don't want to put a crimp on everyone's fun.....but I saw an interesting article yesterday about what guys do when they plan.....did you know that the number of vasectomies goes up by 50% on Thursday/Friday of the March madness tournaments......seems guys know they're going to be sitting around watching basketball anyway, they might as well get a two-fer......

  • 4 votes
Reply#16 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:37 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Hmmmm.......That is interesting.

  • 4 votes
#16.1 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:53 PM EDT
Reply
MalamuteMan

*big grin*

  • 5 votes
Reply#17 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:44 PM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

Thanks Mal. Glad it made your tail wag. ;0 )

  • 4 votes
#17.1 - Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:54 PM EDT
Reply
Arizona1950

Oh thank you for the laugh! LOL ... very funny.

  • 2 votes
Reply#18 - Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:47 PM EDT
USAFbrat-big sis

LOL I don't know exactly what to say....you certainly enjoy a double entendre. ;D

  • 1 vote
Reply#19 - Tue Apr 6, 2010 7:34 AM EDT
USAF Vet-923294

I was trying my writing skills out. You know, let the readers own mind go will where it may and then show them they went the wrong way. It is human nature to try to see the ending before you get there. LOL

  • 2 votes
#19.1 - Wed Apr 7, 2010 1:52 PM EDT
Reply
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